Meng Fuyao did not want to see anyone at this point in time. She did not wish to see the Zhangsun Wuji who had given her hope but eventually destroyed the last bits of her hope. She did not wish to face Zong Yue that had taken part in the events that happened eight years ago.

Meng Fuyao’s heart grew colder by the second. In that chilly night, as the wind seeped into her bones, she wondered, ‘Who can I trust? What can I believe in? You believe that those who love you will never betray you, and yet, before you know it, they are standing on the opposite shore, watching on as you sink lower and lower in that roaring seas, alone in that abandoned ship.’

In the end, she was always alone.

Who knew the taste of regret?

Who knew the taste of longing?

Who knew the taste of longing and regret?

Just as the wind turned frigid throughout the long night; just as the past memories crept upon her silently, a pair of solid black eyes stared coldly at her, hiding its face behind a green mask. That icy cold glance was enough to shatter her heart.

These ten years had been but a dream.

‘A shroud of Her Highness’ grief lingers on, humming year after year in the shade of trees in the court.’ [1. Lyrics to the Melody of Heavenly Joy by Wang Yisun, translated by Betty Tseng.]

‘Like dreary dreams, ten years have passed. The swallows have flown over the Lake of the west, leaving in the ancient palace but an empty nest.’ [2. Lyrics to the Night Flower by Wu Wenying, translated.]

‘The history of the six dynasties vanishes with the flow of water, there are but traces of smoke among wilting grass to the remaining green veil. [3. Fragrance of Cinnamon Twigs by Wang Anshi, translated by Betty Tseng.] The traces of the past are but everywhere, alas, that child’s heart, unfound.’

It was but a dream.

He slowly swirled the wine in his hands as he sat on a tall tree, proposing a toast to the aloof moon.

The night was bleak. The chill wine in his hand reminded him of that cold gaze of hers.

With that gaze etched in his mind, the wine that entered his mouth tasted bitter—a bitterness beyond imagination.

14 years ago, he had sampled that sensation.

That year, he had broken his promise and lost her.

That year, he had met her in that dark cupboard.

That year, he had found a tiny lotus flower under the bed.

That year, he had heard her proclaim that she was the noblest princess that was born with a lotus.

That year, he had welcomed her gaze – her tearful gaze. In spite of that, she had still given him a sorrowful smile.

That year, he had placed her on his knees, untangled her knotted hair, untidied by anyone for five entire years. He had slowly combed through that hair, and somehow, it seemed as though his heart had been ensnared by the vine-like hair.

That year, he had carried her in his warm, cozy outerwear. That five-year-old child had looked like she had been three and weighed like she was one. Hugging her had been like carrying a kitten, quiet and obedient.

That year, he had intended that bring her away, yet, his Teacher’s Brother instructions had come.

Through telepathy, his Teacher’s Brother had ordered him to visit Epsilon. So he had decided to put her back into the cupboard, visit Epsilon and then bring her away afterward.

Halfway through, he had seen an 8-year-old girl rushing by with bouts of excitement and eagerness. He had vaguely understood that this princess had shown great interest in him and even especially had gotten an ambassador to visit Wuji. When it came to greetings, he would actively avoid it. At his young age, being diplomatic was something relatively foreign to him, and he had made the decision to get out while the going’s good.

He had hidden behind the palace walls, listening in on his Teacher’s Brother and Epsilon’s conversation.

His Teacher’s Brother had sounded a little indignant, even defiant at some points.

“Look at the senior of mine, that noisiness of his never changes! Using justice as a reason, he involves himself in all of these! There are so many odd, demonic and evil practices around the world, there is no way that he and his one sect can put an end to all of them! Just look, instead of allowing me to cultivate properly, he abruptly told me that some demon girl has descended, wreaking havoc in the human realm. He even ordered me to deal with her within this travel.” Teacher’s Brother knocked his fingers on the table, and exclaimed in exasperation, “What a joke! How am I supposed to find this one living human being in this crowd?”

In the house, Epsilon laughed. “There are still issues you cannot solve? Other than your seniors and that bunch of others, who else is there that you cannot deal with? But since your senior ordered, there definitely will be this person.”

“Hmph—” Teacher’s Brother snorted. “He only gave me a birth date and told me that oddities would occur when this child was born. But I’ve been searching for her for 5 whole years, and I have yet to come across anyone that was born as strange phenomena happened. As for that birth date… Where am I supposed to ask for a lady’s birth date?”

“When the birthday?” Epsilon sipped his tea calmly. “I’ll help you ask around if there’s a chance.”

Teacher’s Brother told Epsilon the birth date.

Shock came over him.

That birth date was merely a day away from hers, and she… was born with a lotus.

‘Is it her? Is it her?’

‘It probably is.’

Her gaze was so unique. She was just a five-year-old child, yet, her eyes were filled with so much despair, sadness, and an understanding of the cruel world. A normal five-year-old might know of pain, yet, would not be able to understand the pain and despair life had to offer.

A five-year-old child, locked up in a tiny cupboard, with bedsores and mutated bone structures from the lack of movement and nutrients. There was a big chance that such treatment would result in mental disability. And yet, this child had a clear train of thought and a nimble reaction. Sometimes, her odd words and humor would even in embedded into the conversation.

She was no normal child.

His heart sank. Initially, he wanted to bring her along and beg his teacher to take her in when there’s a chance. He wanted to give her enough strength so no one would bully her, a bright future of freedom. But now, that possibility seemed bleak.

He needed to follow Teacher’s Brother back to the sect and bringing her along, she would eventually be found out. There was no way he could hide her from Teacher’s Brother and even more so, his intelligent teacher.

He hesitated for a second, then he decided to send her out of the palace before the teacher’s brother came out, find someone to adopt her for the time being and fetch her once he returned.

However, just as he turned, Teacher’s Brother had already floated out, calling him to go.

He could only reluctantly follow his Teacher’s Brother. In his journey back, he had forced himself to not turn back, but somehow, he had felt as though he could still hear her cries for help, begging him to come. In that hallucination of his, his face paled, heart tortured by the very thought that he couldn’t be there. His Teacher’s Brother had noticed and even teased him for being so afraid of the Xuanji princess. He had been terrified that his Teacher’s Brother would realize and could only force himself to laugh along.

That night, Teacher’s Brother had dragged him to practice his martial arts. It had been the same homework that he had always been used to do. That night, anxious and restless, he had attempted to disturb his Teacher’s Brother and even risked it by using his hypnosis. But in the end, all it had done was generate suspicion and nothing else.

There had been no other way. Teacher’s Brother had been too strong; he had not been someone that the 13-year-old him could handle. Even now, he couldn’t.

Till the third day, he had finally found a chance to leave his Teacher’s Brother side and rushed back to the Xuanji palace.

But he had been too late.

The whole place had been empty. Not just that cupboard or that small room, but also Consort Ying’s palace.

What had even been more appalling, however, had been the thick stench of blood that lingered in the room. Despite the floor being cleaned, he could still spot black patches of still blood everywhere between the tiles. Even more so, there had been bits and pieces of meat and skin lying around. And that bed, while there had been nothing different except the change in color from black to white if one were to touch the mattress, one’s palm would turn completely red.

How much blood was needed to dye an entire bed?

He had stood there, frozen from head to toe.

Who had faced such cruel torture? Who had discovered the child in the cupboard? Who had died on this bed, with meat and blood scattered around? Who had known what that 5-year-old had been through in these past three days?

He could not even find anyone to ask—everyone in Consort Ying’s palace had been dead. Apparently, they had all died a sudden death. But he had no time to investigate. He still had to return to his Teacher’s Brother side.

He had rushed there, yet staggered as he had left. Whether she had been alive or not was completely unknown. The promise he had broken wrapped itself around his heart like an iron chain and had never once been removed ever since.

Later on, he had tried to propose marriage to Xuanji. He could not help but hold a sliver of hope. What if it had been Feng Xuan that had found her? If he had, then he might still be alive. After all, even a monster would not hurt its own children. Perhaps her mother might be killed, and Consort Ying might be affected, but as a princess, regardless of how menacing the Xuanji Empress was, she would not be able to kill his daughter in front of him.

He had requested to marry “Xuanji’s youngest princess, the princess that was born with a lotus”.

He had not known her name for he knew that she had no name. It had been the only way he could describe her.

The Xuanji emperor had readily agreed. When he had heard of this news, he had been ecstatic, thinking that she had been indeed saved by Feng Xuan. But when the two had exchanged engagement cards, he had realized that someone had pretended to be her.

It was Feng Jingfan’s birthday that had been on the card. While rumors that Feng Jingfan had been born with a lotus had been spreading around the Five Regions Continent, no one seemed to notice why this rumor had only been spreading when she was already 8.

And Feng Jingfan, if he had not recalled wrongly, had been the same princess that had wanted to meet him, but back then, her name had been written differently.

A change in Chinese characters just to be known as the princess born with a lotus.

No one would think twice about such a rumor. And as the days had passed, a conjured up belief had now become a fact.

But he remembered. He knew.

Thus, he had insisted on breaking that engagement.

For this, he had gone to Xuanji. To save the engagement, Feng Xuan had even taken out the Xuanji diagram. Once the diagram had been taken out, he had been certain that Feng Jingfan had seen that child.

If not, how else would she know of the contents?

Since she had seen, she had been the biggest suspect of that tragedy. He had even used his Soul Capturing techniques. Back then, he had not been as well-trained in this technique, but even then, he had managed to find out bits and pieces of the happenings of that night.

As expected, Feng Jingfan had spilled the beans. Enraged, the empress had ordered servants to torture Xu Wan and get rid of Nameless Feng.

Feng Jingfan memories had started to get fuzzy as the torture had begun—after all, at a young age, she would still instinctively avoid it in spite of her heartless nature.